I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
