Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
