just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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