Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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