does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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