i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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