I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
