don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
