I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
