he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
