Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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