I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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