I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
