He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
