I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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