If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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