i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
