the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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