Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
