and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
