I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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