she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
