weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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