I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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