I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
