It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
