Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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