I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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