I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
