i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
