Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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