It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
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I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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