Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
