You're completely useless in the revolution.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
