There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
