That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
