you win again, gameday.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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