i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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