She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
