Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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