tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
