so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
