everyone is single if you try hard enough
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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