I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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