You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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