you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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