I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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