No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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