whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
