so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
