I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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