How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
