looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
