Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
