Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
