I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
