Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dicks are not precious.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
