I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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