i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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