Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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