Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
