there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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