i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
