You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
