His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
True strength comes from lack of pants
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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