we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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