My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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