I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
