I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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