It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
