When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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