I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
