ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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