Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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